Dear Low Lifes,
I just wanted to say thanks for breaking into my car last night. As we slept you were clumsily smashing my driver's side window to steal the GPS that was suction cupped to my windshield. I say clumsily because, really, how hard can it be to break a window? You managed to dent my car in 3 places and scratch the side in your effort to gain entry. I want to tell you just how much I appreciated spending my morning vacuuming the glass out of the car instead of going to Target as we had planned. I hope the money you get for selling my TomTom is enough to provide you with your next fix.
I guess you did me a couple of favors that I should thank you for. First, I had been meaning to clean and vacuum out my car for a while so thanks for providing me with the motivation. Who knows how long I would have waited if my car wasn't filled with glass! Also, thanks for being so high or so stupid that you failed to open my glove box. If you had, you might have noticed that the spare key for my husband's truck, parked right next to mine, was located inside. Thank you for not stealing anything else that was in my car. I would be lost without my car charger and diaper bag.
Guess what idiots? Your effort and my irritation could have been minimized. The door was unlocked.