Tuesday, November 3, 2009

How do I love thee?


Dear Mr. Clean,

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Your bald, shiny head. Those muscly arms. Your sparkling blue eyes. That fashionable solo earring. Your very image screams clean due to your lack of body hair and bright white tee. I love your products, especially my favorite invention of all time, the Magic Eraser.

The first time I held that disappearing chemical miracle in my hands and watched the ease with which the grime disappeared from my white claw foot tub, I thought I might cry. It was amazing! I immediately went to get my husband to show him how easy this little white brick made cleaning. I went a little berserk cleaning things after that. I scrubbed my entire kitchen floor with one, on my hands and knees, no less. I removed every spot and stain I could find on every approved surface in my house.

I praised your amazingness to anyone who would listen. I put you up on a pedestal that I was sure no one could ever knock you off of. One day I was in Target, browsing the aisles of wonderment and, to my amazement, I saw it....the Magic Eraser mop! I just knew it was the answer to my mopping prayers. I came home bragging about it to my hubby even before I got it out of the package. I knew it would be magnificent. Imagine my utter disbelief and disappointment when I dipped the mop in water, placed it on the floor, began to mop my grime away and the little plastic pins that held the mop together broke upon impact. I had literally pushed the mop a whopping 2 feet when it practically disintegrated before my eyes.

I must have done something wrong. I examined the mop and tried to re-attach the screws to no avail. I conceded defeat and returned the mop to Target. I was sad but, alas, there was another Magic Eraser mop with a different design! Surely, this would be the magical mop for me. I bought it, took it home and it didn't even make it to the floor this time before it broke!!! I wet the mop, tried to squeeze the water out of it and it broke into 3 pieces.

I am broken hearted. I feel betrayed. Mr. Clean, why have you done this to me? I bragged about you, talked up your charms to anyone who would listen and, for what? Your mops suck! I guess I am resigned to a life of Cinderella-esk scrubbing on my hands and knees with my original love, the little white brick that could...

15 comments:

  1. Oh Mr. Clean. How could you?!?

    I've been having good luck with the Swifter wet mop, but it still doesn't scrub away the stuck-on food from last night's high-chair flying food fest!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're hilarious. You should submit this to Mr. Clean {dot} com or something....seriously. I've been writing to companies that I love and telling them what I think, and they send me coupons for free stuff! And if their mops are really that bad, they need to know!

    Love the way to wrote this... :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. ha ha ha ha....didn't know they made a mop....now I know not to try it ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your "original love" hey, does Aaron know?? Is he secretly a little jealous of your love affair with Baldy?

    BlogBaby's BabyMama

    ReplyDelete
  5. Funny you mentioned it, but I tried the mop too! Mine didn't break, but I wasn't nearly as impressed as I was with the good ole standby magic eraser.

    ReplyDelete
  6. meh...mr. clean and his blindly obvious misogyny!! he must get a real thrill out of having women on their hands and knees! that's just where you want us, huh...mr. clean...at your feet!! whatev! my floors can stay dirty!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I was wondering about that mop I will have to just stick with the magic eraser and my hands and knees too. Bummer. I do love the magic eraser though:)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh no. Like you, I have been carrying on a shameless affair with my Magic Eraser. I'd call the company about the mop.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You can't be on your hands and knees all preggo! No! You need to call that company and tell them who is pregnant boss now!! BTW, love my magic eraser mop, and have never had a prob with it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ha! that's what you get for trying to keep a clean house.
    I love that little magic eraser. the only reason my walls aren't still covered in crayon!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Stopping by from Foursons...

    I had NO idea they had a mop! I love the magic eraser for my doors and refrigerator. I probably would have fallen for the mop thing and bought one, so thank you for your review!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. REALLY!?!? When I started reading your blog, I was thinking "omg i totally mopped my whole floor on my hands and knees too with a magic eraser!" and then my next thought was "wait till i tell her about the mop!" ... but then you tell this horrible tear jerking story and I wanted to cry! I have the same mop that I bought about a year ago and have since just replace the head for the 4th or perhaps the 5th time. I have NEVER had an issue! It makes me sad for you because personally the mop has been the first thing EVER I have really loved for my floors. Mine is super super basic with just a sponge and a plastic squeezy thing (http://www.cleanerhomeliving.com/shop/index.cfm/page/MAGIC-ERASER-SQUEEZE-MOP/pk/category/pid/10389/cid/10840) to squeeze the water out of it. Maybe you should give it one more shot? The website shows 4 different ones. You should contact them about it. I would. Cause I seriously want to marry my mop. Swear.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh man, I hate it when things like that happen! How could Mr. Clean disappoint you like that?! He deserves a good kick in his sparkly white pants. And honestly- send him this letter. As is. See what happens and let us know!

    Thanks for linking up, I can't wait to get follow-up information.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete

What you talkin' bout Willis??