Dear Mr. Clean,
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Your bald, shiny head. Those muscly arms. Your sparkling blue eyes. That fashionable solo earring. Your very image screams clean due to your lack of body hair and bright white tee. I love your products, especially my favorite invention of all time, the Magic Eraser.
The first time I held that disappearing chemical miracle in my hands and watched the ease with which the grime disappeared from my white claw foot tub, I thought I might cry. It was amazing! I immediately went to get my husband to show him how easy this little white brick made cleaning. I went a little berserk cleaning things after that. I scrubbed my entire kitchen floor with one, on my hands and knees, no less. I removed every spot and stain I could find on every approved surface in my house.
I praised your amazingness to anyone who would listen. I put you up on a pedestal that I was sure no one could ever knock you off of. One day I was in Target, browsing the aisles of wonderment and, to my amazement, I saw it....the Magic Eraser mop! I just knew it was the answer to my mopping prayers. I came home bragging about it to my hubby even before I got it out of the package. I knew it would be magnificent. Imagine my utter disbelief and disappointment when I dipped the mop in water, placed it on the floor, began to mop my grime away and the little plastic pins that held the mop together broke upon impact. I had literally pushed the mop a whopping 2 feet when it practically disintegrated before my eyes.
I must have done something wrong. I examined the mop and tried to re-attach the screws to no avail. I conceded defeat and returned the mop to Target. I was sad but, alas, there was another Magic Eraser mop with a different design! Surely, this would be the magical mop for me. I bought it, took it home and it didn't even make it to the floor this time before it broke!!! I wet the mop, tried to squeeze the water out of it and it broke into 3 pieces.
I am broken hearted. I feel betrayed. Mr. Clean, why have you done this to me? I bragged about you, talked up your charms to anyone who would listen and, for what? Your mops suck! I guess I am resigned to a life of Cinderella-esk scrubbing on my hands and knees with my original love, the little white brick that could...